But they love each other…

“Well, then, you’re just slapping God in the face, aren’t you?” I say.

“I hadn’t thought about it that way,” says my pal.

It’s 1993. Chapel is about to begin. My college requires all students to attend a daily chapel, which is fine with most of us.

My pal has a problem. A friend of hers is going to her mother’s wedding. Her mother’s wedding to another woman. And my pal is invited.

“God doesn’t want these two women to be lesbians,” I say. “They are flouting the law of God.”

I’m quite matter of fact as I say these things. Not angry. Not impassioned. Just speaking the truth in love, as we devotees of the faith are prone to doing.

“A wedding is a sacred act, a marriage is sacred,” I say. “These things were created by God. A wedding of two lesbians will be like dancing in front of the golden calf, deliberately insulting the God who made them. Do you want to participate in that?”

“No,” my friend says.

I don’t know if my pal went to that wedding or not. I hope she did. This week, as I heard the wonderful news of gay marriage being given the green light in Iowa and Vermont, I couldn’t help but think of this 15-year-dead conversation.

My being a Christian held back my life, my friends’ lives and my culture. The culture wasn’t negatively affected by me alone. My speaking out against gay marriage all those years ago was my own little thread in the great weave of hate the church casts around the world. I’m ashamed I was ever a part of it.

Here in Oklahoma gay marriage is outlawed. The LGBT community is huge, but we’re still mired in hate for those who do not have sex the same way the rest of us straights do. It seems that the concept of hate, itself, is completely misunderstood by most of my neighbors here in Tulsa and the surrounding area. So let’s be clear.

If I say it is a sin to be gay, that’s hate. If I say so because of a worldview invented by people who thought that fire and bronze were brilliant new technologies, that’s hate AND ignorance. (The two are usually found together.) If I say that two people who are gay cannot be married simply because they’re gay, that’s hate. If I say so because I think that straight marriages will be negatively affected by gay marriages, that’s hate AND ignorance again.

It is impossible, without hate, to say that being gay is in any way wrong.

How did I escape hate, by the way? Well, I used to think being gay was a sin, then I became friends with some gay people. I didn’t really know anyone who was gay, as far as I was aware. The pals of mine who were probably kept this fact from me because they knew I’d be judgmental. I was a Christian after all. Having gay friends, not gay acquaintances or co-workers, but gay friends, with whom I hang out and get to know on a real friendship level, well, having those friends was all it took to open my eyes.

I’m sorry I was a hater, LGBT friends. I’m glad I let that go.

As I heard Evann Orleck-Jetter interviewed by Amy Goodman yesterday I felt a lot of joy. Here’s a kid, a 12 year old who testified before the Vermont legislators about her desire to see her two moms get married, being raised in a loving home. A truly loving home, where the love isn’t just for those like themselves. Evann, it sounds like, is learning to love everyone, even those who aren’t quite like her.

I wish I’d learned that lesson sooner. I used to be part of the problem. Now, post-religion, I can be part of the solution. This makes me very happy.

Evann’s interview is here. I found it moving and uplifting. I think you will, too.